THE MOMENT

Had just walked out of Wild Duck on Salem Street. Couldnt find a wine I like for the price I liked. I was on my way to Causeway Street to look at the sales rack at North Station Liquors... when the phone rings. I dig it out of my pocket and look at the front. Its Blackfeminista, so I open the phone and say "Hello."
"Did you hear?"
D*mn, I thought. Is he in trouble again? Put his hands on somebody else's kid??!?
"No. He died."
Noooo! You serious? Noo Un Uhn!
Holding my mouth with one hand, the phone with the other. Time stopped on Salem Street. Lost tourists passed by. Mouth on my hand bending over trying to hold back the wail. Get to the house, get to a TV, get inside youre on the street! Crying.
Cant believe he's gone. He didnt write his book. He didnt get to tell his side of the story. But most importantly, he didnt get to love himself. People all over the world love him and would give their life, would step in front of a train for him... but he never got to love himself... He is at Peace now.

Rest In Peace
Michael Joe Jackson
August 29 1958 - June 25 2009


PEACE AND I WANT YOU BACK GREASE!

PATRON WITH LEMON ON ICE

Goin home for a Birthday Party and the Solistice.
Left him my number
He was out today
Ill be out tomorrow
Lets see what he does with it

He has such beautiful eyes, his son has them too. clear and chocolate brown with the thickest fullest natural eyelashes Ive ever seen. People would pay for those. He FINALLY changed his hair and got his face done. Never noticed the clef in his chin until this week.
Just once real good once. I swear and then Ill put him back where I found him. Hammercy!

Been in physical therapy dont know how I got hurt
Tailbone bent up, pelvic and hip bone pain
Hip bones adjusted out (they do a little every month in women)
But didnt go back
Too flexible can be bad too, apparently
I feel defective damaged
Want to feel pretty and desirable
I guess my stomach will be nice a flat after I do all these pelvic floor exercises
Then Ill be on my way to South Florida to get my Papi and a boat! Hah!!!

Had a discussion about God and Relationships with ChezMom
She thinks you pick somebody, then ask God to be a part of the couple, marriage I guess.
I think you dont find eachother without God
She thinks you have to work hard and suffer then God will bless you
I think God blesses you freely unconditionally so you can help other people suffer less
She thinks pain is an everyday part of everyones life
I think extreme pain is a sign that you should be doing something else... or doing the same thing but a different way. Would be a good time to pray for guidance

She thinks Free Will always leads to some kind of punishment
I dont think we have any. God has a plan for you and you will follow it even if He has to come get you out from under a mattress in a crack house to have you do it. No one has a throwaway life

Do we even read the same Bible. Did she read the part after Jesus came?!!? I dont get it.
I guess if you feel like you suffered your whole life, you have to have some way to explain it to yourself. My reaction to my suffering is to go have all the fun I can and enjoy life as much as possible, for me and all the others who cant couldnt wont.

Patron is good for cramps!
Night Night!

PEACE AND FEELIN' GROOVY GREASE!

WHITE DOROTHY/ BLACK MEN

So when we were little girls, our mother would comb our hair every morning for school. If we had time, and werent late, we could request a hairdo. Wizard of Oz (the movie) and The Wiz (the play) were our favorites. Judy Garland wore her hair in two braids down the side with a center part in the Wizard of Oz. Stephanie Mills wore her hair in two afro puffs with a center part in The Wiz.

Now, if we wanted afro puffs, we would ask for the "Black Dorothy."

BLACK DOROTHY

Two french braids down the sides? "White Dorothy."

WHITE DOROTHY

Fast forward thirty-three years and Black men are wearing their hair long for the first time since The Wiz came out. Braids, Dreds, Extensions, Great Big Afros, you name it. Multi-millionaire Ballers are trimming their dreds so as not to cover the backs of their uniforms. Thugs grow their dreds so they can scare people. One NFL player even attended my concert last weekend at Boston Symphony Hall in braids and a durag (?!?!?!)

A couple weeks ago, my co-worker, Braidman, told me he was having his braid lady give him "fishbones." I didnt know what the h*ll he was talking about, but whatever it was, he had to pay extra for it and he was in deep negotiation with his braid lady. He tried to describe it to me, but I really didnt understand... until he came to work with the cornrow version of the "White Dorothy."

NO!!!

I was HORRIFIED. A grown man, in an office with some decorative little girl braids in his hair?!?! Now, I love natural hair in all its forms, and I understand its not my head. But I just dont think men over thirteen years old, who arent Ballers or Entertainers should come to work with some d*mn Wizard of Oz braids in their head!

WHY??!?!

My sister, Blackfeminista, assured me that it wasnt just another New England anomaly. This was the height of fashion in New York City and the College Park/ Baltimore area as well. My co-worker was scheduled to get his hair done tonight, but he is missing his hair appointment to go party in Connecticut. I hope he reschedules. Ill be glad when he switches back to a "normal" braid style...

"NORMAL" BRAIDS

...especially now that we walk to Dunkin together in the mornings. He has to look good, if we're gonna be seen together.

Picture by Ruth Yeo
ME IN MY BRAIDS

PEACE AND DIXIE PEACH GREASE!!!

KEEP GOING

When I was a little girl, I used to unlock the apartment door and walk out. My mother would always find me because I would go to the same place each time I left... the courtyard next to the building. Now this would have almost been okay if I wasnt five years old and we werent in the South Bronx in 1971. To this day, I still dont know why I wasnt abducted.

Years later, my Baby sister RevNama would unlock the door and wander out. She was about four years old, but me or Blackfeminista were always there. Blackfeminista who was a preteen at the time, said that she always wanted to follow Rev Nama to see where she was on her way to.

Now in 2009, I am still wandering off and coming back. Even though its clear that I should keep going. Im grown now, can play by myself, but I keep returning to my mother's house of self-doubt and self-abuse. Maybe I really knew what was up at five. They say you know everything you need to know at birth, but you lose the memory as you get older. I have to find a new way to keep going and not double back. I gotta keep going.

The devil you know really isnt any better.

GREASE AND DEEP THOUGHTS GREASE!

WHAT GOES UP...

...so its after the amazing incredible concert and a really good visit with ChezMom who came up for my Concert this weekend, but now everything is over

and I am crashing, crying, exhausted, feet still hurt, a thousand memories, the music, nap interrupted by startling waking up thinking the concert wasnt over or hadnt started or I was missing practice or late for work, back hurting, cramps, library books, laundry, recert appointment, physical therapist appointment and

CRUSHING CRUSHING loneliness

and I ask what's it worth/ Ready to give up so I seek the Old Earth/ Who explained working hard may help you maintain/ To learn to overcome the heartaches and pain

PEACE AND SHRIMP DUMPLING GREASE!

AW H*LL NAW

D*mn! Im crushing on him! How did this happen! Oh Gawd, NO!?!?!??!

He's not right for me
((ticking off on fingers))
Too young
Too many kids
Cant have no more kids
Had the surgery after the fourth reputed
Aries
Weird hairdo
Smokes cigars (but not around me)
Nice car, clean inside and out
Tall
Thick
Lots of natural hair
Makes me laugh
Luuvs music
Gives me music all the time
Has a father
Takes care of his kids
Comfortable
Yet still hot

D*mn D*mn D*mn!!!

No! Stop! Gotta turn off the loin-ing.
She hasnt spoken to me in months
Now she's telling me she wants
HIM
NOW!

We cant
I wring my hands
Pleading, really
I know how this conversation is going to go
I try to explain
"He's our co-worker
He SMOKES
He's darkbrown too, so he probably dont like us
We not his type.
He not our type..."

As per usual
She's not listening

She keeps whispering to him while Im not looking
I dont know what all she's saying
But I look up, and he's at my desk... again... just to talk
We talk, he goes back to his cube
Neither he, nor I, knows or remembers what we just talked about
He sounds like the Grownups on Charlie Brown
Large hands designer cuff links great big feet thick arms strong back
As he walks away...

"D*mn he thick!"
"Stop that!"
"What?!?!?! What?!?! I dindo nothin!"

She's in my closet in the morning
Trying to pick something that will put his eyes out
Something that looks good from the back

Im trying to pick something that
Fits and is appropriate for work
Takes us so long to get dressed!

Im too old for this crap! Hate having a crush! Hope he stays away from me!
But I fear her damage
Is already done....

D*mn!


PEACE AND LTD GREASE ((SIGH))

EVERYDAY ALL DAY AND TWICE ON SUNDAY

Answer:
Cause I dont have a grocery store in my neighborhood
Cause no one thinks my neighborhood is a residential area
Cause shortsightedness in urban development is the Boston way
Cause making things as difficult as possible is sport in the City of Boston
Cause we did protest and no one listened
Cause the last time I tried to rent a car, they wanted $400 deposit
Cause they went up from $150 deposit
Cause Zip Car is $60 a day
Cause I dont have a car
Cause I cant get a job
Cause the job I got dont wanna bring me on permanent
Cause neither one of my degrees are worth the paper they are printed on
In Boston
Cause Im a transplant
Cause I didnt go to 'Latin' with anybody
Cause I dont know any politicians
Cause the one politician I knew badmouthed me to potential connects
Cause then the b*tch got arrested herself
Cause I dont have a man with a car
Cause I dont have a man
Cause the men I have, dont have cars, but they all still wanna eat
Cause Im still here
Cause I cant move back home
Cause I wont fist fight my mother
Cause when I send my resume to other cities they dont bother responding
Cause the substitute grocerybus driver can flirt, but he cant count

Question: Why is that fat Black b*tch running with her shopping cart through the parking lot in Medford after the grocery store bus?

Boston S*CKS
Everyday
All day
and Twice on Sunday

PEACE AND MORE-OF-THE-SAME GREASE